Suffering in Silence

I spent a lot of days suffering in silence. Coming from an abusive home, taking care of my comatose God-sister, losing my first child to SIDS, dealing with family members drug and alcohol abuse and raising three children in a single family home are all reasons I suffered in silence until one day as I was doing my bible study it was revealed to me that my pain and suffering can help someone else. Growing up in abuse I learned really early in life how to cope with whatever was going on around me in silence. I was separated from those who love and cared for me the most, and by the time I was around them I was so traumatized and scared I couldn't speak up for myself and what I was enduring. Going through this caused me to internalize everything, I became numb it didn't matter how hurt I was I would just push through as if everything was going fine. I would cry myself to sleep so many nights praying and asking God to help to change how I was feeling to put someone in my life that would just understand what I was going through and help guide me through it. I was tired of being tired so I really began to look internally to find out what was going on. As I self reflect I noticed that I was so hurt, broken, tired, scared and feeling unloved. Once I was able to verbalize how I was feeling I was able to forgive, heal and grow. Now don't get me wrong nothing I'm talking about happened over night, I had to go through the process. I was so lost when my daughter passed away I just couldn't get around it anymore. I was pregnant and I just felt like I couldn't breath and something just needed to change. When you open yourself up to the change the process will begin. I was able to heal, grow and mature. I began to slowly ask for guidance and help in the process. Suffering in silence just keep you stuck and does more damage than good. You have to find a way of getting it out. I started off with prayer, next went to writing, then I finally was able to start talking within the groups I was affiliated with and began to notice when I shared my hurts and pains it made me feel better. It made me feel better because I was helping those around me. I was able to let them know that although I went through all of this with God's grace and mercy I made it and they can too. It became very therapeutic for me to attend parent meetings and share my story then it grew from there. As time went on I was able to heal and move forward to becoming who God wanted me to be. We are not meant to suffer in silence we will go through things in life that some are out of our control and others are self induced but through trials and tribulations we are to have a personal confidant, spouse, sibling, or group to express how we are feeling so we can be supported through the process. One of my saying that I share all the time is "hurt people hurt people" for a long time my children didn't understand why I say that. I had to break it down for them and explain when you are hurting yourself you tend to hurt others around you. Sometimes you do it unintentionally but other times you feel like I'm hurting and I want someone else to hurt with me. I highly suggest that you find someone that you can confide in and share what you are going through because I promise it will help. You don't have to suffer in silence and you aren't meant to suffer in silence. You have a purpose to fulfill and you can't get to that if you don't get through whatever has you stuck. I spent well over 20 years suffering in silence and not really opening up myself to others but it was like a switch was flicked when my daughter passed. I just felt like that was the worst thing that could happen to me and as long as I lived I would live in a way of giving love. I do my best at not allowing life and situations to cause me to suffer in silence. I deal with situations as soon as possible and I live in a space of peace and understanding. Once I was able to stop suffering in silence I gained my power back because I was no longer allowing my past and past hurts to hold me hostage in my present and future. Suffering in silence only fuels your hurts and pain and keeps you stagnant. So, release yourself and those around you from your suffering.

​Many Blessings & Much Love