Drugs, alcohol, physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse pick one they all are generational cycles that you have to be careful or you will continue and pass on to your children. Being a survivor of all those listed I could talk about this for days and still not cover everything so today I'm just going to focus on physical. The ironic thing is while touching on this subject it will cover some of the others. Being a product of physical abuse I grew up with a man beating on myself from the age of six. As a result I subconsciously as an adult would enter into relationships that I had to argue and fight in. No matter how much I said I'm not going to deal with anyone that put they hands on me time after time I would end up dating someone I had that very issue with. Part of the problem was I wanted to be loved so badly that I would get myself into situations and commit to being with someone that was a "good" person not looking at are they good for me. Growing up in an abusive home I didn't have a voice so once grown I had a voice and it didn't matter who it was I expressed how I felt and in my relationships it would cause problems because I was not going to have a man talking to me any kind of way or doing to me what I seen done to my mother. When I was younger I loved to argue I thought that was me defending myself but in the end it just caused more problems. I had it in my head I'm not taking this, I'm not taking that, your not going to do that to me but I had to learn how to stop allowing my past to dictate my current and future. It took a lot to get to that point. I had to go through a lot of forgiving, healing and growing before I could get to the point of breaking the cycle. I always promised myself that my children weren't going to have to go through anything I did growing up but when I was younger I was making different bad decisions over and over. I finally got to the point that I had to sit down, pray and ask God for guidance. I truly wanted more and better for my children and myself so I decided no matter how hard it was going to be I was going to break the cycle. I began to take baby steps to make the changes within myself the kept me going down the same path as well as vowing to myself that I would raise my children in a single parent home until God brought to me the man I was suppose to be with. I can say that I have stumbled over the years but I have been a single parent for the last 16 years. Now don't get me wrong I have dated and had some relationships over the years but for the most part none of the men I dated lived with me and I didn't introduce them to my children in that aspect, my private life was my private life. My home became my sanctuary, I don't believe in arguing and fighting at home, I raised my children with love and affection, we don't name call in our home. My motto to my children when you leave outside the house you have to fight for everything we will not fight in our home. My children have a voice and they are allowed to express their feelings - may not change the outcome of the situation or lessen their punishment but they do have a voice. In my home just because your and "adult" don't make you right. I get both sides of the situation then I make a decision on the outcome. My children know that I love and adore them. My children know that God comes first in our home. They know their value and worth. My children know in my eyes I feel that my number one job is to be the best mom I can be to them because God entrusted me with them and I am to protect, care for, and guide them to the best of my ability. I lead by example, I told my son I can make you a man but I can teach you how to respect and care for a woman! With my daughters I taught them about respecting and loving themselves first. They don't need no man or woman to give them value or worth. I do my best to lead by example and I am very transparent with my children about my life, past and mistakes I made. I express to my children to do better than me, learn from me and most of all if they have questions ask and we can talk about it. I support my children in their dreams and passions because I want them to know that they can do and be anything they want in life as long as they keep God first. I pray that I have been a good enough example to my children that some of the family cycles have been broken. I know that I have succeeded in some areas because my son is 20 and he has no children as of yet and he graduated from high school and working, my daughters are 15, 16 and haven't had sex. My 15 year old is a couture fashion designer who has had her own business since the age of 8. My 16 year old is in the national honor society and dances a competitive dace team. Both my girls are very active in the community and church so I will continue to count my blessing despite the trials and tribulations my life has thrown at me and the circumstances by which my children were brought into this world by the grace of God I have continued to stay true to the promise I made. I love all my children birth born and the others that call me mom. Being a "MOM" is one of the most important things I do and I enjoy being all that I am to my children. I am pretty confident in the fact that I was able to break the abuse cycle and with God it will remain broke!
Many Blessings & Much Love
Tisha dolby - Author
To whom much is given much is required, broken for a purpose, God can trust me with my scars....these are just a few quotes I've adopted along the way to walking in my Purpose!
Our Mission at Power ~ Passion ~ Purpose, Inc. is to support underserved women who have endured trauma. Helping them heal, love & thrive through and after trauma. Equipping, encouraging, & empowering them with the necessary skills, tools & resources to transform their lives and provide economic self-sufficiency